A Blessing in Disguise
by crybabies
Summary: When one of those geezers first slammed her head into his crotch, she sunk her teeth so far through his wrinkly purple mass that his blood curdling scream could've been heard miles away. Danzo Regime AU [edited]
1. In Which She Lives

A Blessing in Disguise

By crybabies

 **A/N:** Danzo AU. I don't own Naruto.

Sometimes I post things without reading it over and realize all the little (and huge) errors I make. Oops :-(

I really love the whole idea of the Danzo regime thing; frankly I think that this should've been an arc in the real series. So much potential…gone. Oh well, that's fanfiction for yah! It would've been so interesting to read/watch, instead of just having him killed by Sasuke's chidori rage and never mentioned again. I also recently fell in love with kakasaku so I decided to add it in here too..heheheh. _So, in this story, Danzo's coup happens a few years later than canon, so Sakura and the rest of Rookie 9 were 17/18 at that point._

* * *

Introduction: In Which She Lives

 _Ba-dump._

She stood there waiting, eyes locked onto cheap, chipping linoleum paint.

 _Ba-dump._

Ears straining. Breath hitching. She rubbed the golden band on her wrist and closed her eyes in deep anxiety.

 _Ba-dump._

There was only one thing she'd be called for.

 _Ba-dump._

 _BANG!_

The door burst open, faulty bolts creaking and hissing from the sharp movement. A man – a tall man – stood at the doorway, with long pale hair wearing long pale robes and leered at her. Lips thin and pulled into a wide sordid stretch, his eyes became so slit that not a flash of white could be seen.

"You may come in now, Haruno," he all but cooed, motioning in to the cold, utilitarian room. Sakura nearly shivered from the steely – and was that supposed to be _seductive?_ – voice that slid out of his throat as she felt herself step toward the man now leaning against the door.

It felt like fifty pounds were added to each of her legs with every step.

Her eyes darted upward and she regretted it instantly. If it was even possible, she felt even more disgusted after witnessing an awful _come hither_ look twisted on his face. She nearly shook her head in disgust as she passed him. The only thing that stopped her from doing so was the harsh consequences of 'being unladylike' toward the 'men far superior than you.' No way in hell was she going to serve as their source of amusement again. She'd just be the bigger person.

 _But was she really?_ This, coming from the girl who, while not stooping to their level, was submitting to their authority and walking into a room to simply be an object of entertainment. Where she would inevitability sit herself down on the _floor_ and silently wait for command from those bastards.

In what seemed like too short a time she found herself at the center of the room, knees folded and head bent low. She hoped to the gods that it wasn't _that_ again. The taste of cock and blood in her mouth still made her nauseous from time to time.

Because some time ago, when one of those geezers first slammed her head into his crotch, she sunk her teeth so far through his wrinkly purple mass that his blood curdling scream could've been heard miles away. She remembered almost laughing at the disgrace of the situation as the streaks of red coated her cheeks like gone astray mustard – dribbling down her chin when she opened her mouth and spat the torn mushroom shaped tip back onto his lap.

On that day it had been three years since Danzo's coup – three years due of leaving the village. She tried to escape the very night he had taken over, she really did. But it was foolish of her to believe that she, as a single (albeit strong) eighteen year old girl, could fend off hordes of Root agents while desperately attempting to protect her tiring parents as well. It was all in cruel vain.

Well...wasn't it always?

 _Giggle._

It echoed through the room, despite volume of riches and silk flooding and overlapping from every corner. It was slow, hollow. Dirty.

It wasn't a good sign.

Sakura almost laughed at the perfect timing of her cynical thoughts. She found herself on the ground, wrists pinned and legs thrashing like wild bulls, shaking her head and screaming with pleas of mercy and forgiveness.

 _How had she stooped so low?_

She couldn't fight. There wasn't any way to, what with all the bodies surrounding her – six, at least – and the absence of her chakra. They had pinned her in more ways than one; a polyethylene wristband sealed all of her strength, and she was pinned by the arms for an added dose of humiliation.

The sound of ripping tore Sakura from her bitter reverie.

In a second she glanced downward, eyes moistening from the sight of her bare breasts out for all to see. She scorned the way her nipples stood, pink and erect and tall without a hint of shame and she all but clammed her eyes from the humiliating sight. But it was without a passing heartbeat that her eyelids were ripped open, pushed and prodded none too gently by the pad of a rough thumb – and she knew there was not one thing that could be done.

"No need to look away, _Sakura_ - _chan_ ," a man said. She didn't know his name but she knew he was _old, old, old._ His breath lingered over her face as he knelt forward her left breast, palm kneading into the supple flesh, staring with glee at her scrunched, drenched face.

"You should be honored," a voice rasped, its origin leaking from the apex of her thighs. Bandaged hands ran over the exposed skin of her navel, travelling in circles that were likely supposed to be sensuous and then reaching toward the pink patch of curls farther south. She flitted her eyes downward to the offending hand, narrowed with hate and burning with scorn. Hips thrashed away from the digits in a frantic attempt to avoid what was inevitable, but Sakura was well aware that he would _always_ get what he wanted, if the village itself wasn't enough proof.

 _Somebody, save me…_

But nobody ever did. And when she shut her eyes and counted the seconds it took for the fingers to intrude her vagina, a searing pain and shock washed right through her instead. She didn't need to see to know that he, the newly appointed Hokage, power hungry tyrant, _traitorous lech_ , had slammed into her and was now pumping in and out of her folds like a mindless heated animal.

She was no virgin. But when Sakura felt the flesh inside of her rip and tear from the sudden intrusion, she nearly blacked out from the overbearing pain.

And though she eventually did, it was not before she felt the ribbons of heat shoot inside her, spurting against her walls, rapidly oozing itself out of her violated hole.

* * *

In a strange, detached manner, it was almost fascinating to watch such a large quantity of liquid gushing out like candy from a torn pinata. It almost, _just almost_ , felt inhumanly possible. There was some sort of sick interest in the underestimated capacities of the human body – something seemingly finite and weak.

Alas, Sakura was far from detached. Spunk stuck to her body like a roll of cling rap and she wanted to scream and scream and scream and cry and just _fucking die_. All at the same time.

But...she couldn't. There were too many things that still needed to be done. It wasn't in her blood or herself to continuously lay and roll around like a dog.

No, she wouldn't dare to, despite how simpler it would be. Not after the humiliation that plagued her like an unforgiving leech. She refused to die in such a pathetic state, lest she lose the last thread of dignity that she, well, _hoped_ remained.

Nope. Sakura was going to _get the fuck out of here_. As soon as she possibly could, she would get her shit together, slip by, and run as far she could away from this crazy shit town. It'd probably take a couple months. Half a year, at most. But at least she had something to look forward to now. And though it was quite a simplified version of the soon-to-be plan, it was good to have some sort of substance, at least.

In the end, her chances would be slim. She rubbed the ridges of the golden band above the restraints, lips stretching across her face.

She had nothing to lose anyway.

* * *

 _7 Months Later: En route toward Rain Country border_

Legendary Haruno Sakura, apprentice of the recently late Fifth Hokage, should have been dead.

Dashes slowed to a limp, to a sluggish saunter, to a fevered struggle of grasping consciousness by its slick mane, and finally, to a slump garnering a slip out of the trees. Her small body crumpled toward the ground, landing into a pathetic heap without as much as a twitch. To the untrained eye, Sakura seemed as motionless and lifeless as a spoil of hunt. Mangled, bloody, _definitely_ not alive. She did not hear the rustling of the trees from the mild breeze encasing her, nor did she hear the collective gasps of those who later stumbled upon her. Her ears did not catch the frantic pitter patter of sandals on earth that rushed to her body, lying questionably between the seams of life and death. A familiar relentless cry repeated her name as if it were a part of a broken record, but it did not reach her.

She already knew it wouldn't be long until they caught up. Even so, it was quite surprising that she even made it this far, what with the extra patrol groups by the exit, weakened strength, and weakened chakra. It was not long ago that she had finally severed the chain that restrained her chakra; Sakura had only gotten it removed merely a few hours ago; she nearly cut off her whole arm.

But there was no need for such a sacrifice… _wasn't something a load of blood wouldn't solve…!_

And when she finally lashed out and hurled a fist toward a cocky Root ninja, she was quite surprised to find herself circled by about eight of them. It was thrilling. It was rejuvenating. It touched something somewhere deep inside and nearly gave her a lengthy orgasm and she almost cried with unbridled mirth as heads started rolling by.

That didn't stop them from coming, though. Like damn cockroaches they wouldn't die. Like wasps, there would just be more and more until they overwhelmed. And if one head was cut off, two more grew out. It was almost funny how things came full circle – she would die the way her parents had without a speck of dignity remaining in her soul.

So it was incredibly surprising to suddenly hear her name, spoken almost like a mantra, from what seemed to be her surroundings. Sakura darted upward from the shock, surprised at the fact that _she was not dead_ and instantly cringed as searing stings shot throughout her body. Her eyes danced downward, lingering on the bandages wrapping around her torso, idly noting on the poor workmanship of the wrapping. They looked bloody and worn. How long had she been out?

"It is best if you lie back down, Sakura-san." Said woman flicked her eyes back upward, searching for the origin of the baritone voice. There, before her eyes, was a pair of charcoal shades and some frizzy matching hair, held back barely by some tacky looking hood. It would've been easy, she mused, to mistaken this man for some cult member. His dark verdant hood seemed big enough to cover his whole head, only stopping at the man's eyebrows.

It was a damn shame. Sakura knew there was no way in hell she'd be able to tell what he was feeling…or really anything else.

"Shino…" Chapped lips breathed, barely above a whisper.

"May I ask what you were doing out here?"

Sakura swallowed in an attempt to moisten her cracking throat.

"I…I-"

"My insects tell me that you have been through many unspeakable things. How? In short, they are able to sense the severe imbalance of serotonin in your brain." He paused, gloved fingers reaching toward a dwindling pile of firewood. His fingers grasped around a moldy twig and threw it into the diminishing flame. "We only saw you when you dropped out from the trees. It was quite the fall. We were not the only ones to have seen you either. When we arrived to your destination, many of those masked men circled around you. We took the liberty of destroying them."

A knot began to form inside Sakura's chest. Whether it was from the sheer closeness of being dragged back to Konoha or ultimately being rescued, she didn't know. It idly occurred to her that, perhaps, it was a mixture of the two. And more. If there was something more.

Ah, there was always something more.

"I've…never heard you speak that much before in my life, Shino-san," she whispers, a small smirk finding its way on her lips. Said man looked at her, and Sakura felt that if he didn't have shades on, he'd probably be staring flatly at her either way. "Wait…who's _we?"_

"I travel with others, Sakura-san. They are other leaf shinobi who were fortunate enough to escape that night."

"Who…who are the others?" she half whispered, voice almost lost in the breeze. Her insides felt as if they were twisting and coiling in every which way.

"They will arrive soon. However for now you must rest. Why? Because we will only be staying here shortly." _'But wait…'_ She internally pleaded. There were still so many questions she wanted to ask. There were still so many things that she wanted to know. Was Naruto with him? Team 7? What about the jonin instructors? Everyone else? She needed to know. She was _dying_ to know.

Sakura snorted inwardly at her own choice of words.

Influx of questions and what if scenarios pounded through her head; it was painful, searing, absolute torture. Did Shino think that she could really sleep at this point? She couldn't possibly fall asleep now...but then again...

…the weariness and the aches of her body was just too much to bear.

* * *

 _En route to...?_

The stars seemed to be running away from her.

Strong flaps of coldness pulled – no, teared – harshly at her tangled tresses, slapping her cheeks until a reddened rawness glowed on her skin. She shifted her head from that awkward dangling position, courtesy of Shino's – well, whoever it was – princess hold.

She shifted again in those pale and slender arms, _'definitely not Shino,'_ she briefly thought, and earned a glance from eyes beneath tangles of midnight tresses. The woman squeaked in shock, widened opalescent orbs boring down into pools of green.

"Sakura-chan you're awake!"

"…Hinata?"

"How are you? I know you've been through a lot lately. I…I healed you up a bit before we started moving, well, after seeing how poorly you were patched up," someone coughed loudly, "and..uh…now we're on our way to the Waterfall border."

Sakura lifted her brow in curiosity, eyes glazed from a plethora of emotions, but refrained from making a sound. To her, the whole day had been quite the exhilarating information dump; she felt far too shocked to articulate the chaotic whirlpools that were her thoughts. Hinata's gaze softened in understanding as she began once more.

"We take refuge near this village called Kani. It's rather north of the border, but it's the perfect place for us to stay. It's mainly civilian, but there are so many eccentrics that, with a simple henge, we barely stand out…and-"

It was then that Sakura's voice and thoughts had recently been tangled in her throat, smoothed out. She aligned her thoughts as well as she could, and through a sheer sense of urgency she interrupted the briefing. "Wait, I'm sorry to cut you off…but…if you guys are all staying there, then why were you down near the Rain border?"

A single tearless sob burst from Hinata's throat.

"Naruto is missing," she whimpered out. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

" _What?_ "

If anyone had seen Sakura's face, they would've thought she was a lime; only through sheer force of will was she able to hold the contents of her stomach from erupting out her mouth. Naruto was gone? Was he dead? What the hell happened?

Did it have something to do with that…that _mummy bastard_? Of course. Of course it had something to do with him. That… _that…_!

The woman squeezed her eyes shut through pure frustration and panic, once again uncertain of how to articulate herself, and Sakura felt herself pour all focus on the woman.

Hinata. Poor, poor Hinata. It was so heartbreaking to watch the woman's reactions – that of a broken lover who only had blind hope to rely on.

"N-nobody knows where he is. Him and Sai had agreed on some coordinates close to the remains of Tanzaku HQ, but he never arrived. We've been tracking him, but his chakra mark was just _gone_. T-there…" a tear slid down her cheek and onto Sakura's forehead, "was no body when we got there! He could be dead…!" The woman inhaled deeply, attempting to gather her concentration on jumping through the trees.

"Ah…But it's best not to think like that, don't you think?"

 _Is…is that…?_

"K-kakashi…" The pink haired woman's mouth suddenly felt rather dry.

"It's good to see that you're alive and well, Sakura."

Her head shifted and her eyes bulged from their sockets at the sight of him. He didn't seem to have changed in the last three years. His hair was still an unruly, silver mess, and he still had that god forsaken mask.

The only difference was his attire. The hitae-ate that was usually hid his sharingan was replaced by a black cloth tied slanted around his head. No longer did he wear his usual jounin uniform, as expected; the blocky vest was nowhere to be seen. All was replaced by a cowl hooded tunic wrapped with black and colored navy, greyed pants, and neat bandages that met boots of a charcoal shade. There was a tanto attached to his hip, Sakura noted, and he _almost_ seemed like any other rogue nin.

That is, if the fucking slanted cloth, mask, _or_ silver hair didn't give his real identity away.

 _Hope he wears that hood…_

Kakashi's one visible eye crinkled at her in the way that it always had, and he briefly lifted a hand in what seemed like a half-hearted wave. Even the one move seemed so graceful, so fluid, _so_ enticing, and she suddenly couldn't help but think how long and strong his hands looked in those fingerless glo-

Holy shit, she _really_ fucking needed to stop there.

What the fuck was she thinking? There was no room to dwell on some weird hand fetish.

And so she gathered up said emotion from the catastrophe winding in her chest and spat it out as with an acerbic _shut up_. It was immature, she knew. Probably shouldn't have said anything at all.

 _Now w_ _hat would mother say?_ She mentally chided.

No. Her mother wouldn't say anything because she couldn't. Because she was dead.

Fuckers.

"Happy to see you too," he replied flatly.

For a split second she wanted to fling herself out of those slender arms and down the trees and just laugh and laugh and laugh. Laugh her head off, because of the effort the man put to remain as impersonal as ever. Or maybe there was no effort. She couldn't tell anymore, and _really_ , after everything that happened...well, she just didn't have time for this shit.

She shook her head, silently hoping that it would be the end of the conversation. Maybe.

It was still a huge shock how everything had happened so _fast_. It was incredible to think that she was finally free. That she, quite possibly, would no longer feel that awful egging desire to die. That she was given a second chance, a chance to make the most of her renewed expiration date.

Sakura had been spared from the clawing hands of empty death – which was, indeed, a blessing in disguise. And maybe, she would make the most of it.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the lack of dialogue, that'll come soon. So it's clear that there is some history between Kakashi and Sakura. How that happened? It'll be revealed eventually. There's definitely going to be a flashback scenario next chapter. Definitely some other major, quirky thing that'll hit you right in the face before ya know it.

Reviews are quite appreciated! Stay tuned haha


	2. Camp Fires, Stare Offs, & Messenger Dogs

A Blessing in Disguise

By crybabies

A/N: Sorry for the reupload. I always find new errors or ways to improve the flow, and I sometimes feel the need to just tear it down and reformat it or something. :X

Thanks for the follows, favorites, and reviews guys! ALSO, PROPS TO THE BEST BETA, tofus!

**Keep in mind that the majority of this is written mainly in _Kakashi's_ perspective. He's a little emotionally dumb and somewhat analytical, and it might make you want to strangle him. But I think that, as a man with so much baggage, he'd definitely have some issues understanding emotional/relationship things and what not.

* * *

Chapter 2: Camp Fires, Stare Offs, and Messenger Dogs

Three and a half years ago

 _A splay of fingers outstretched toward a hand that lingered on the edge of the bed. They wrapped around knuckles, white and tensed from clenching too hard, and eased the tension with a gentle pry. Sakura brushed her thumb against the thick and calloused skin of his, in the way only she could, then gently lifted it upward to meet her lips._

" _I promise you,_ _i_ _t's okay," she whispered into his hand. "I'm gonna be okay."_

 _Each and ever syllable borne another laceration through his chest. They were words said merely to calm him down, to placate him as if he were a rowdy child. They were words that were simply not true._

 _His wound split just a bit wider._

" _Look at me."_

 _And he looked. He felt the blood drain from his face as he really,_ really, _looked_.

 _Hair that was once dazzling and bright turned flat and dull, clinging around paper skin. The woman was drenched in a pool of her own sweat and her body was screaming of malaise._

 _She was so pale that she almost blended in with the sheets…_

 _And when he glanced just a bit downward, his eye was met with a long gash that contrasted with the sickly coloration of her skin. It rounded over her shoulder and Kakashi speculated that it might have even dipped down to her back_ – _down, down, down until it curved inward with the small of her back_ _. Had he gotten up a tiny bit faster and pushed her out of the way, like a fairly competent teammate would do,_ could _do, it wouldn't have…she wouldn't have…_

"… _I couldn't protect you," he choked, and out came the broken tracks of his train of thought into the wide open. He stared at her, regretfully and perhaps even longingly, and she stared right back with those unwavering ocean green eyes. That soft, yet firmness brimming in her gaze was so damn mesmerizing that it almost – just almost – made him forgive himself but he stiffened, stiffened so tightly that his muscles felt like they were about to pop like balloons when he those horrible, yellowing bruises swarming all over her neck caught his eye._

 _Her lips quirked into a frown. "You saved my life. You were there right on time. If it weren't for you, I might even be-"_

 _He'd rather die himself than hear her finish that horrible sentence._

" _Don't say that!"_

 _Bounce._

 _Against the hollow walls and the stark white ceiling and the worn out tiles lining the floor, his voice bounced like restless ping pong balls, echoing itself in a split second mantra. Kakashi cringed, couldn't help but feel the intensity of his sudden outburst, and at that moment he didn't think he could have felt any shittier than that. "I'm sorry, Sakura..."_

" _Let me make myself clear that there isn't anything to be sorry about," she replied in a flat tone._

" _So you say."_

 _Her brow knitted together, scrunching into a mixture of frustration and hurt and she squeezed his hand again. "_ You've _bled for me._ You've _put your life on the line for me! I think I can do the same…we're equals, aren't we?"_ _She paused, though not long enough to give Kakashi a chance to respond. "We're teammates, and teammates protect each other. You_ _were on the ground nearly unconscious, Hatake! I'll be damned to have just sat there on my ass and watched."_

 _Slowly, her thin fingers lifted themselves out of his grasp and she rested them on his head, running and piling through the waves of his silver locks. "And then…you saved me, too," her voice shrank down to almost a whisper. "So don't blame yourself for any of this…because it really, really, really isn't your fault. We should just be happy that we made it through together. There isn't anything better than that."_

 _Kakashi understood her words, understood them far too well. She fought hard for his life and held_ _her ground until he was able to get back up on his feet. By sheer force of will she had kept him alive, continued on with the mission…_

… _but she had almost died, yet again._

 _And it had been his fault, yet again._

" _This isn't the first time."_

" _But that is the life of a shinobi, no?" Sakura leaned back against the inclined bed, and she looked so tired and small – smaller than she usually did – and Kakashi felt another pang of pain fleshing through his heart. He watched as her eyes fluttered from her gradual fatigue. Watched her as she breathed her love for him before relenting to the gentle arms of slumber._

 _And then she slowly drifted deeper and deeper, her stressed and erratic breaths gradually evening out. He pressed his lips against her forehead and murmured a pained, faint 'I love you too,' and watched the corners of her mouth curve slightly upward as his voice wafted through her ears._

 _She woke up the next day to nothing but an empty chair._

* * *

Kakashi tossed another piece of wood into the flames and leaned backward against an old towering oak. The fire crackled and echoed throughout the darkness, and it emitted not only white noise that tickled his fancy, but also dim light that made the area somewhat visible.

His eye glazed over the unconscious bodies curled around the flames. Though he knew he couldn't fall asleep, he still felt slightly envious of them. Perhaps it was the exhausting trek that had blessed them with such a peaceful, dreamless night; he wished that sleeping provided a sort of escapism for him as well.

Still, he was on watch and _wouldn't_ be allowed to sleep anyway. What he needed to do was to distract himself, at least until it was Sai's turn.

Kakashi let out a small chuckle, feeling a bit giddy that he was fortunate enough to avoid the wretched middle watch. And whether it was by a force of sheer habit or impending senility, his hand idly crept into his worn down canvas pack, shuffling and rooting around for a certain orange hardcover that he may or may not have been aware wasn't there.

He grunted, and inwardly pleaded to Kami above that he had only forgotten the book at base camp; the unfortunate man had absolutely no idea what else he'd do in his pass time if it was lost forever. The rest of his collection was probably rotting away on that long deserted bookshelf, if not completely destroyed by the attacks from that night. That night, – months after he left the village, if he remembered correctly – he was leisurely shuffling his way back to Konoha with Tenzou trailing behind, without an inkling of a clue of what was going on. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary for much of the journey back. There was no messenger, no hawk, no _anything_ that had attempted to alert him.

Instead, he was forewarned by the sight of two mangled bodies, sprawled across the hardened path that was cracked beyond normalcy.

It would be an understatement to simply say that Kakashi was a little put off. Though it wasn't uncommon for bodies to be lying around through unguarded paths, there was something oddly familiar about those forms. A few steps closer was all he needed to confirm their identities, and that he certainly did as his face blanched in horror after seeing the tattered remains of the Haruno clan insignias on their backs.

It wasn't that the bodies themselves emotionally scarred him – he'd seen his fair share of death among the battle fields of war. Rather, they snapped his focus toward a certain pink haired kunoichi, one that he had put through unnecessary emotional pain for his own foolish insecurities.

When he saw their broken remains, he couldn't help but worry over how she felt. She was surely there when they were killed; Kakashi knew that she was stubborn as hell and would never leave those two behind. Or, she could have been dead – he cringed at the thought – but her body wasn't there with them. Those thoughts, coupled with dread that turned his stomach inside out, forced his body to instinctively move on its own then, legs striding at top speed toward the village gates while ignoring the screams of reason and objection coming from behind him.

" _Sakura…" His knees dropped to the ground and he slumped in his shock. Tenzou put a hand on the man's quaking shoulder, attempting to comfort his team leader who was reduced to nothing but a babbling mess._

" _It's not a good idea to be this close to the gates, Kakashi-taichou. A large battle seems to be occurring inside," the brunette commented._

" _I need to save her, Tenzou," Kakashi rasped, eyes staring vacantly ahead of him._

 _The grip on his shoulder tightened. "For our sake and hers, we need to leave now. There's too much we don't know for us to rush inside."_

The silver haired man snapped his jaw, head jerking back from that quiet reverie. It was way too emotionally exhausting to dwell on the memory.

It'd been three years since he stepped foot in Konoha. For so long, he had gone on living without knowing if Sakura was even alive.

Nevertheless, the poor sap never did give up hope. Over and over again he strove to gather intelligence on new Konoha with the hopes of breaching its walls and finding her.

Though, he was always met with utter failure. Danzo had, with an unreasonable yet effective amount of paranoia, kept foreigners and allies in the dark. Many of the tyrant's infiltrators were also undercover in said allied villages, making it overly difficult to disclose the true tale of his coming to power. As far as the others knew, he was simply next in line to become Hokage.

But now, Sakura was here. She was alive. That was what mattered.

"Kakashi-san." The man jerked his head to the left, eye meeting with those of a weary Hyuga. She smiled weakly as she set herself down next to him.

"Maa¹, Hinata-san," he murmured, gaze shifting toward the tree covered sky. "You should be asleep," he stated airily.

"It's rather hard to do so nowadays."

"So it is," Kakashi mused.

Hinata sighed, brushing a stray lock away from her face. "I see him, sometimes."

"And who might you be seeing?"

"…Naruto."

"Ah."

Shifting slightly, she rested her elbows over her knees and lifted her gaze upward. "Whenever I'm able to fall asleep, I see him…sprawled broken on the floor. Sometimes it's worse, and he sees me too." She swallowed, trying her hardest to keep her voice from going hoarse. "He reaches out to me with this horrible, pained look in his eye and says, 'Hinata, you didn't save me. Don't you love me?' It's so…realistic, that sometimes I think that, maybe, he's actually trying to contact me from somewhere."

Kakashi looked at her with a sideways glance, focusing his eye on her surprisingly unreadable expression. Never mind that this was the first time he'd ever heard the girl speak so much; where was she going with this?

"Initially," she continued softly, "It felt like I was to blame! That I… that it was my fault he disappeared." She paused for a moment. "Though if I know Naruto as much as I believe I do…well, then it's quite absurd to think he'd blame me at all."

"I see," he murmured. And he did. His eye glanced toward the dimmed flame, noting the pink haired woman huddling next to her artistic former teammate. A tinge of jealousy surfaced though he knew better; they were best friends reunited after _three years_. Nothing more than that.

Then his gaze rose onto the flimsy wrappings around her head, and his shoulders tensed ever so slightly.

As brief as the gesture was, it did not go unnoticed by the pale eyed kunoichi. Nothing ever did. "It's taken me years to realize that the inclination toward self-blame is rather natural…nobody wants to feel powerless, even though they may very well be, over something they're passionate about. That being said, it's still always a conscious effort to come to peace with it. But I think it's just the mind's way of showing how much you love or care for the person."

Kakashi exhaled slowly, fiddling with a jagged branch he had subconsciously picked from the wood pile next to him. He glared intently at the sharp edges. "This isn't just about you anymore, isn't it?"

"Perhaps it isn't." Hinata chuckled softly.

They sat together in silence after that.

* * *

At some point during the night, Kakashi's watch finally ended.

 _Relief._

Because being active for two days without any sleep had made him exhausted, and all he wanted to do was to be responsibility free for a while. He picked up the sleeping Hyuga as gently as he could, an arm under her knees and another on her back, and set her down onto worn out blankets.

Kakashi shifted toward Sai and Sakura – grudgingly noting that the two were a bit too close – and crouched down with the intention to tap the sleeping man on the arm. Though before he made contact, the man jerked his head over his shoulder and instantly met his eye with an even stare.

"I'm awake."

"I couldn't tell," Kakashi deadpanned.

"Okay," Sai replied smoothly. "You can go rest now."

It was duly noted that Sai was none too favorable of his company, and so Kakashi turned around and headed toward his own sleeping bag.

It was disappointing how they interacted, but expected, really. Shortly after he and Sakura started secretly seeing each other, Sai had become frigid and cold toward him. It was obvious that the artist must have known despite their confidentiality. His suspicion was confirmed once Sai confronted him on the matter, beast scroll wide open with a readily dipped paintbrush in hand.

Sai, he mused, was always eerily perceptive. Guy must have figured out how much he'd fucked up with her.

Kakashi propped himself onto the faded material and thoughts flowed into his brain like water through a cracked dam. _'There was truly nothing I could do,'_ he thought, entertaining the words that the Hyuuga had given him earlier.

As much as he desired to do so, it would have been nearly impossible to get through Danzo's heavy security, especially with no intel from the inside. It was certain death, even if he did manage to slip through the Root ninja outside the gates.

But then what about all those times before?

What about the times that Sakura had almost gotten _killed_ for him? It was entirely his fault, he had been too careless, too emotionally attached…

…but even then, it seemed, he couldn't stay away from her. And she herself always told him that he was never to be blamed. She would hold him and kiss him and tell him with that bright voice of hers that this was just something that happened in their line of work. And Kami, he knew that, but it never stopped the guilt from surging through his system every time she nearly ran back without her spine in tact.

And he was selfish. She looked so happy after he said those three words that he couldn't help but feel happy too. Yes he loved her, and no it wasn't a lie, but it was still a cruel thing to do, and he couldn't forgive himself for the longest time after that.

It would appear that he couldn't even to this day.

That was definitely why she was so angry at him earlier. To have someone profess their love to you, then suddenly vanish for years could definitely do that to a person. It had hurt to see so much betrayal and anger on her face then, but it was his own fault.

If she wanted to scream his ear off, he wouldn't mind. If she wanted to punch him straight or over the moon, he'd look her straight in the eye and tell her, 'okay!'

Just as long as there was some sort of conclusion, some sort of improvement over this mess. His heart couldn't take it anymore.

* * *

As hard as he tried to keep a distance, Kakashi couldn't keep himself from gravitating toward her. She looked a lot better. There was definitely an improvement from when he had hastily bandaged her the day before.

"Sakura." He swallowed and noticed her body stiffening. She immediately stopped unravelling the bandages around her head.

Then she turned to him, stared at him. Hard. "What do you want?"

His small burst of confidence was wavering while his self-shame was intensifying. He had no idea where he was going with this, and he mentally kicked himself because this was possibly the worst idea he's had in a long time.

"Can't a man want to see a beautiful woman?" he drawled, crossing his arms in an attempt to cover his mortification.

A shrill laugh escaped her lips, bitter and caustic and unlike herself.

"Do you know what happened to the last man who said he 'wanted to see me' like that?" A loud rip, and a white and crimson material drifted toward the ground.

"…Uh." No, he didn't, and judging by her voice he didn't really want to.

Another rip, and more white pooled toward her side.

"I bit his dick off." She stood up and stepped around him, throwing the bandages that remained in her hands at his feet.

 _Well._

Kakashi didn't know how to react to that. He stood there, dumbfounded, as he watched her disappear behind the trees.

* * *

Sakura marched her way toward the stream. She kept her eyes straight ahead, not even daring to steal a glance at him. Who the _fuck_ did he think was? How could he expect her to act civilly toward him after all these years? Her jaw tightened and she felt anger, _so much anger_ , blazing through each and every atom of her body.

A slight crunching of leaves danced its way into her ears and she stiffened, ready to slap some sense into that one eyed bastard stalker.

"I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to talk to you, Kakashi." She spun around on her heels, half expecting to come face to face with the man in question, half expecting to be ambushed by faceless Root nin. But to her surprise, there was no one in front of her…until she looked _down_.

"Kakashi wanted to tell you he's sorry." There stood a small brown pug, hitae-ate rounded proudly on his neck, staring up at her with those beady intelligent eyes.

A loud 'ha!' escaped from the kunoichi's throat and then another, and another, and another, until she was just outright cackling with humorless laughter.

"And so he has to _send_ somebody else to play messenger! What a moron! _Baka!_ Tell him to grow up and say it to my face," she spat, getting ready to head toward the stream again. She'd been wanting to wash this stink off for _hours_.

"He was afraid that you'd follow up on your…offer," the pug calmly replied, eyes still trained on the pink haired woman.

"I don't care."

"Please, Sakura. He's been so sad and miserable for years, and you're the only one who could make him himself again." The woman cringed, a vein in her forehead threatening to burst.

"Me? _Me?_ He's the one who left me after I was in the fucking _hospital!_ " She screeched. "And why does he think it's all about him?" She asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "That guy needs to get his head out of his ass and _look underneath the underneath!_ "

Pakkun sighed, looking defeated and sad and worn down all at the same time. "Look, he was probably too shocked to think straight 'bout that. The guy has been broken for years. Sometimes he makes mistakes," Sakura's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, "really _,_ really _big_ mistakes, but you can't really blame him. And ever since this whole Danzo mess happened, he's been an empty shell of himself. He's spent countless days and nights deriving and acting on plans to find you, save you, and now you're finally here and he's just so _happy_. Please give him a chance."

A bubble of anger rises in her throat. Followed by sadness. Resentment. Then, for fuck's sake, _hope_.

Such raw emotion! Sakura welcomed it with greedy arms and savored the intensity of its presence. But _wait,_ she didn't want to feel hope! Last thing she ever wanted to feel was hope for _him_. It was years too late for all of that, and honestly, love could go screw itself.

It pissed her off. Pissed her off to the extreme, because even the _threads_ of her sanity were telling her it was a foolish mistake she couldn't help but lean toward its promising reward of what she once held didn't want to believe Pakkun's words, but the dog had never lied to her, not even once. Not to mention it sounded like something Kakashi would _actually_ do...

"Fine."

"Eh?"

"Fine, I'll go talk to him. But I feel gross as shit right now, so please, kindly let me bathe in peace," she muttered, crossing her arms around her chest.

"Deal."

* * *

A/N: Maa¹ generally means oh my, or oh well, or something along those terms.

Well, it officially seems as if Sakura is almost as dense as Kakashi. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	3. Conflictions

A Blessing in Disguise

By crybabies

A/N: Don't own Naruto, enjoy this chapter. Took me _forever_ to write. I apologize because it's a bit…introspective, but I promise it's really important and interesting! It certainly ends with a faster pace. And, yeah...I know Kakashi thinks a lot, (maybe even a bit too much) but I promise you, it's necessary for the contrast. And, this will probably be the last time like this, so bear with me.

* * *

Chapter 3: Conflictions

 _I bit his dick off._

Kakashi felt himself blanch.

It could have very well been an exaggeration, an emotionally charged quip intended to scare him away. It helped her case that it was a rather bizarre thing to visualize – the image of a severed and bloody penis dangling from her mouth burned through his head – and as such had certainly worked well enough to shock him in his place. He would have to be blind to miss that she clearly wanted nothing to do with him.

And while he _did_ parade around with one eye most of the time, it didn't take much to see that she obviously had some strong resentment toward him, too. She was angry and sad and bitter and there was not one thing he could even do about it. Not that it was his place to do so at all. Although, there wasn't much to keep him from hoping otherwise.

In a clouded haze Kakashi willed himself away from the campsite, though with thoughts of her swimming in his mind all the same.

He would have to be delusional to think that her severely aggrieved demeanor stemmed solely from his actions. Or lack thereof. Truthfully, it wasn't much of a surprise to realize that she was angry at him. He knew full well that he deserved all of it. But there was something different, _tired_ , in her mannerisms, and her eyes seemed so flat and dull and not _once_ did she smile even after being rescued from bleeding out on the murky ground.

Perhaps to her, death didn't seem so uninviting at all.

Kakashi felt that now familiar feeling of his heart sinking into his stomach.

That meant that _something_ had happened in Konoha. Something, or some things, had severely beat on her spirit. Was she tortured? Raped? Thrown in a jail cell and left to rot? Being the strongest remaining evidence – because that was probably all Danzō viewed her as, evidence – of the Fifth, it seemed likely that many of these things could have happened. She might never tell him anything, independent and stubborn as she was, but he still couldn't help but wish to help carry some of the burden. Too many mistakes had been made with her, but dammit to hell if he would fuck it all up again now. Living through those years alone, internalizing that unimaginable pain heaved on top her shoulders, was something that would never be forgiven.

Whatever happened, he was going to make them all _pay_.

Swatting limp branches from his face, he mentally shoved away the bubbling emotions and made his way away into a thick of trees. He was getting far too angry, and now was not the time to focus on personal matters. He still had many responsibilities; priority rested on reviewing the chakra tags he set closest to camp. And although he would have been alerted once one went off, it was better safe than sorry. After traveling through abhorrent weather conditions, it wouldn't be too much of a deviance if one, or a few malfunctioned.

Kakashi thanked his lucky stars anyway. Supplies were low and so were funds; eventually they would have to start stealing. Which wouldn't be much of an issue, if Danzō's economic blundering wasn't already affecting foreign villages as well.

Though at any rate, it was probably a good thing. Maybe then, when the nations start losing their patience, it'd be safe enough for the truth to be revealed. Maybe then, there would be a united effort to remove Danzō from his usurped power.

Hmm…well, if the world was just that simple.

 _My, my_ , was it not typical of Hatake Kakashi these days to partake in wishful thinking again...

The sunlight waxed throughout the sky and Kakashi could not help but smile faintly to himself. The tags near camp were still functional _and_ unmarked with foreign chakra, which meant it was likely that no one had been too close to their resting spot last night. Which meant that Root, likely, had not infiltrated the group. Though, none of that guaranteed that they hadn't been _seen_ , so it was a good idea to remain tense and ready for anything.

Steps quickening to a casual run, Kakashi maneuvered swiftly toward the edge of a stream, eyes peeled for sparse strips tacked obscurely onto bark. He had placed more by the bank; the general scarcity of fresh water within miles and miles of lumbering trees would make it the first stop anyone would come by, should they choose that random sect of the stream. More time passed and Kakashi came across another tag obscured by scrawny branches, water logged from travel wear but still seemingly functional. Another step closer and then he tensed, eye narrowing at the indistinct feeling of powerful chakra.

In one swift movement he untied the fabric concealing his sharingan, shoving it into his pocket as he opened his eye. Ensnared on the tag was a small cluster of chakra glowing with a faint purple. It felt familiar. Very, very familiar.

Ah. Hinata's chakra signature.

She likely hadn't realized that tags were set off by her doing, which was a bit odd. He always saw her as someone who always went above and beyond with her scouting missions, not caring about much else. But he had stressed, perhaps more than twice, that setting them off would be problematic. And then not a day passed when she simply _forgot_.

Time was killing her, it seemed. It tore the optimistic resilience from her heart and plucked the shrewd spark from her eyes. In every passing day she stood a little less tall, a little less grounded. A little more hesitant to take the next step forward. She looked like nothing more than a shell, a failed robotic mechanism acting solely from preprogrammed instruction.

The world was unexclusively cruel.

' _It's taken me years to realize that the inclination toward self-blame is rather natural…nobody wants to feel powerless, even though they may very well be, over something they're passionate about_ , _'_ she had said to him the night before. She spoke with such experience and understanding, yet Kakashi couldn't help but notice she didn't believe in it herself.

Well, it would seem that they had more in common than he thought…

The Hyuuga blamed herself for Naruto's disappearance, for whatever reason. And he would never forgive himself for his inabilities and selfish desire for _her_ company.

Yet despite his resolve, despite everything he had done to stay away from her it was all crumbling, draining like water held in cusped hands, the gravity his unrelenting emotions. Ever since he laid his eye on her, crumpled and bloody on the forest floor, reasons appeared to matter less and less.

Kakashi tied the fabric around his head again, shuffling toward his bedroll and inhaled deeply. Air tumbled through his lungs and soothed his frazzled mind, sharpening his nerves. Perhaps it was time to make a decision. With finality, certainty – something like that.

Rationality, it seemed, was going to take a back seat.

Thumb slit, fingers intertwined, and a palm slammed into the ground, followed by a dispersing cloud of smoke and a small brown pug.

"Yo boss," Pakkun greeted almost instantly, staring at the limp shoulders of the weary man. "Everything okay?"

"Pakkun, I need you to deliver a message to Sakura."

The dog's brow raised – as much as a dog's brow could possibly raise. "I thought she was missing. Although," he sniffed around the campsite, "Her scent is here. Where did you find her?"

"A few miles west of where the Tazanaku Headquarters used to be. It was purely coincidental, and she was severely injured when we found her." Kakashi shook his head, disbelief and worry replacing his even expression. "We figured she was escaping Konoha."

"That's good," Pakkun replied. "Listen, it isn't your fault. Nothing you could do." He sniffed the ground again, and turned toward the direction Sakura went. "She's here now, s'all that matters," he finished. .

The man shrugged, attempting to feign nonchalance. Validating self-pity was the last thing he wanted to do.

Pakkun looked back at Kakashi, eyeing the man's very obvious discomfort. "So," he began, "Whatdya need me to tell her, boss?"

"Tell her I'm sorry."

An incredulous bark escaped from the dog's muzzle. "Woah, woah, she definitely won't like you sending me off as your messenger. You gotta tell her yourself," Pakkun countered, now staring warily at his leader.

A weary sigh escaped the man's lips as he slouched down onto the grass. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but if he _did,_ he would just agitate her even further. It seemed that, well…he wasn't in the mood to receive a concussion today. And her problems definitely spanned over the subject of his mistakes and seeming desertion, so trying to talk to her now would likely drive her back even more than she already was.

It was honestly a smarter decision to back off and let her familiarize with the new environment, one that Kakashi hoped was more welcoming and safe than Konoha. But his characteristic patience was absent, and had been nearly absent since they were separated. Now, he wanted nothing more but to make her realize that he cared for her.

It was obvious that sending Pakkun was the more logical thing to do, at least for the decision he made…which was, ah, arguably _not_ so logical.

Or, maybe he was just a coward. An old coward who had already torn all rationality to shreds even before she came back into his life.

"She doesn't want to see me."

Pakkun blinked. "Eh? Why? Thought she'd be happy to be reunited."

How absolutely, painstakingly, mind numbingly wrong he was.

"Sakura may have threatened some… _bodily mutilation_ ," Kakashi murmured wryly.

"She wouldn't do that, you know that boss," Pakkun grumbled, with a hint of intrigue in his tone.

Kakashi chuckled humorlessly, shifting his gaze toward the darkening clouds.

 _But_ …

"…She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to see me."

Pakkun noted the apparent lack of logic in his master's command and reasoning, but nevertheless remained silent on the topic. "Alright, I'll find her now. Seeya soon."

* * *

She sat with her nose grazing the surface of the water, knees huddled against her chest.

It was strange to experience such a whirl wind of emotions now. They encompassed her whole being, invoking twitches of anger, fear, awe, relief. They swallowed her heart, causing an erratic fluttering to race against her chest. Eyes closed and skin flushed with chagrin, Sakura felt herself sinking even deeper into the lethargic stream.

These resurfacing spurts of life – her welcoming ticket back to sanity – went even wilder when she interacted with _him_.

With an inward sigh, Sakura shook her head in defeat. Just one look and she couldn't even think straight. What was she supposed to feel, when she was suddenly faced with the man that had casted her away? Who now, despite the circumstances – despite the fact that he just felt like a _stranger_ – decided to take an interest in her well-being?

It was ridiculous. It was insane. It shot a surge of emotions that differed from each other in fragments and fractions, so much so that it worn her down to the bone. Not that she hadn't already been worn down. She couldn't remember a time when she felt otherwise.

 _Three years._ Three years, and nobody had even tried to find out if she was even alive. Did they even care? Probably enough to save her from dying pathetically on the ground a few days ago, but not that much. They didn't even try, save for Kakashi. And even then, it wasn't as if it actually worked.

 _Shut up moron,_ she scolded internally. Sakura was well aware that she was definitely getting ahead of herself, letting her head get lodged too far in her ass because she couldn't get over a bitter resentment toward those who had no other choice. There wasn't much that could've been done anyway; the true logistics of the village had been kept secret from the outside. Logically, there was no way in hell that her friends would've known she was still there in the first place. So it was a damn good coincidence that they even found her on the ground that day.

Because if she hadn't been found, she would have either: a.) bled out and died, or b.) be picked up by Root, and _then_ die once she was brought back to Konoha, or c.) be picked up by root, and _not_ die to be used as some sort of pocket sleeve again.

 _Fuck._

That was the last thing she wanted to happen. Because with every single second she spent cast away in that jail cell, forgotten, piss and shit and blood dripping down her legs and not to mention the taste of severed dick and dick bloodforever coating her soiled tongue, she felt a bit of her vitality shaved away like ice. And then months or days or years had passed, and finally, it seemed that everything was all over and that she could finally return to some aspect of normalcy, maybe even try to forget it all and move on with her life. Without looking back. Without _ever_ looking back.

But they were not done with her – when had they ever been? – and then she had lost the last shred of her dignity. All self-respect, anything with a semblance to either of the two, cracked away from the first rippling shriek tearing out her throat on the night she had inevitably foresaw. When she was slammed face flat onto creaking floorboards, even with fat tears rolling down her cheeks and endless cries for forgiveness – of what, she did not know – she was only answered by a searing pain between her legs and brutish fingertips caressing between her thighs.

They left her there in a crumple of limbs.

And then an agonizing month dragged by. Or was it two? It didn't matter because in her delusional tunnel vision, all was still fine and still peachy and nothing she hadn't want to happen simply had not.

But delusion only went so far and she knew her fate was sealed when the harrowing dizziness and waves of nausea rolled by all too often.

It had happened and she was trapped, _for Gods' sake,_ and then she knew, _just knew_ , that there was nothing that could cease the inevitable.

She didn't need to be a medic to realize that her life was no longer the only one.

Dazed and breathless and numb to the world, she led herself through the twisting paths and roads which ended at a seedy bar. And every night she was there – couldn't help it really – seeking out the elusive glee that sometimes graced her after barrels and barrels of the forgetting drink. She hoped that the burning sensation in her throat would someday overtake the burning sensation in her chest. That perhaps, she would one day wake up and realize her life was just some kind of sick nightmare, coupled with the fact that she had drank _way_ too much before her miserable slumber.

 _Ha-ha!_ Haruno Sakura, ever the wishful thinker. Naivety and ignorance went hand in hand with her name even then, when she so foolishly thought that life couldn't steep even lower than it already was.

" _One more!" She cried, lolling her head back as she slammed some ryo onto the counter._

 _The bartender, an elderly man, hesitantly slid a bottle of sake toward the inebriated woman. Quivering hands clasped the clay bottle, bringing the thin ring up to chapped lips._

" _No use, no use, no use," she murmured, setting the now empty container back onto the counter. No use for the liquor, because no matter how much she drank, she could not reach the thrills of euphoria this night. Piles of bottles swept across the stool, no doubt cluttering the area for other potential customers. But who cared anyway? She ordered enough for a whole platoon of them, so there was no way she'd earn any sort of damn complaint. Nor was money an issue; she no longer cared, could not care, there wasn't any use for such a thing when there wasn't anything that she wanted materialistically anyway._

 _She wanted to be free, free of her life, of_ this _life growing inside of her each and every day._

" _So what's stopping you now?" She slid off the stool, oblivious to the concerned stare she earned from the man._

" _End it all right now, Haruno," she murmured to herself. "It's already too late for anything else!" Trembling and stumbling through the frost bitten streets, the woman made her way toward the edge of town, toward the run-down hovel that was her apartment._

 _But it hadn't always been. Probably just to spite her and her late Shishou, that mummy bastard evicted her from her loftier one near the hospital._

 _Well, whatever. Not that she even had a job anymore, anyway._

 _Stumbling now, tripping over two left feet, she managed to climb the stairs to her seventh floor apartment. She was surprised, really, to find that she had even made it this far. Maaaaaybe, she still had some fight left in her after all!_

 _And then not a moment passed when the floorboards leaned closer to kiss her skin._

Dull shades of emerald stared blankly over the flowing stream.

 _There was nothing but a sharp pain in her lower abdomen, and a bloody, foul smelling mess lathering all over the floor. It seeped from between her legs, narrow passageways of crimson somewhat crusted onto her clammy skin. It smelled like death, complete utter death, and she could not help but lather the contents of her stomach all onto the floor._

 _Sitting up then, she crawled her way to the nearest wall and leaned her back against the cracked paint, eyes hooded from the liquor and sickness that seemed to overtake her at the moment._

 _And then she threw up again._

The blankness faded into contempt and tears as she willed herself not to remember.

 _But as more black and yellow chunks exited her stomach, a foreign feeling not akin to disgust tinkled its way throughout her body. What was that…goodness? Safety…? Relief?_

 _By Gods, she felt_ relief _. Seeing that puddle of blood and vomit and fucking_ dead baby _made her feel relief! What was she, some sort of monster? How could she even feel this way when her baby was dead?_

 _There was no way she could even stay in that room then. Probably no way she could come back to it either. It wasn't such a bad idea to leave this all behind – don't touch it, don't touch it just run and go! But where?! Somewhere Sakura, somewhere! But she couldn't do it, wouldn't do it, not with all of that happening and all of this happening and she couldn't even—_

 _There was a knock at the door._

 _Who the hell would visit her at three in the morning?_

 _Better question, was he going to want to come inside?_

 _Another knock._

 _Oh, shit._

 _Scrambling up to her feet with the grace of a newborn fawn, she made her way toward the kitchenette and grabbed the roll of paper towels before trudging back to the accident site._

" _Are you okay in there? I…heard a lot of noise." A neighbor._

 _Sakura froze, in a midway crouch next to the puddle, hands on the roll in an effort to unravel it. Like a drum the beat in her chest hammered, pounding away as the uncertainties of the situation unfolded before her mind._

 _Did the smell reach out after the door?_

" _I-I'm fine, Fujioka-san…please don't worry about me," she called out. Curses. Her shaky voice was definitely not helping her case._

 _The voice outside paused a bit. "…Are you sure?" It sounded very uncertain._

" _Yes, I'm fine! Just…just a bit of a stomach bug, c-couldn't make it to the bathroom!" She lied. Well, it would certainly explain both the smell and the noise._

 _A gasp escaped from the man's lips. "V-very well…I bid you good night…"_

 _About damn time._

 _Wetness cascaded down her cheeks as she unrolled the towels from the cardboard cylinder. She covered the mess with a flurry of white, staring blankly at the sickening goo absorbing into the paper._

 _She only hoped it got rid of the smell too._

At that point, Sakura became very still.

It was strange, really. Always up until that part, she felt the barest semblance of emotion creeping up into her system. Then afterward, she would always feel oddly calm about it.

But now, she was almost smiling.

What the hell was wrong with her?

A deep sense of resignation flooded her body as the sun edged closer to the horizon. Everything, it seemed. Everything.

She lifted herself up to her feet, shaking her head at her state of mind as she stepped out of the gentle current. Her current clothes were undoubtedly still drenched from her attempt to soak the gore and stench of battle away. She reached into her pack and grabbed the last remaining set instead.

Her face grew taut as she lifted a soft navy fabric from her bag. Pressed between her fingers was a long sleeved jounin shirt, one that was rather big and belonged to the man who sat and waited for her back at the camp. And though she felt uncomfortable wearing something of such sentimental value, she pulled the cloth over her head and willed herself to think nothing else of it.

Moments later she slung the canvas pack over her shoulder, donned in a mish mash of ANBU and jounin garb. She wrapped a bandage around the whirlpool symbol on her bicep and straightened the arm guards remnant of her ANBU uniform. Sakura mused that her appearance was likely downright ridiculous. But did it even matter? It wasn't as if she were meet and greeting with the Daimyo's son.

She briefly rubbed the golden band on her wrist for good luck. Maybe she'd even get a blessing from her mom above. Or something.

 _Ah._ Much better.

Yanking her hair into a messy bun, Sakura slowly ambled her way toward camp.

* * *

The moment she had stepped foot into camp, Sakura realized that she was not alone. Perched aloofly on a thick branch he sat, picking delicately at a shimmering packet of rations. The thrumming quickened in her chest, the acrid taste of obscenities thickening on her tongue.

Or maybe not. _Maybe she didn't even want to bother._

It was funny how it almost felt normal. Like they were in the middle of another mission, venturing through familiar mud and grime to reach some foreign territory and obtain some foreign scroll. Trusting each other with their lives, finding comfort and happiness when shit flew through hell water.

But the keyword was _almost_.

She saw no warmth in his acknowledgement this time. Nothing but an unreadable evenness in the dark eye that bored intensely at her.

 _How mysterious!_

Sakura watched as Kakashi leaped down from his spot, steadily approaching where she stood.

"Yo."

"Kakashi," she muttered. And then it felt as if a dozen pounds crashed on top of her head, forcing her neck to crane from the unexpected burden. She couldn't help but feel so fragile, so _small._

 _Where did all of that bat shit anger go?_

"I…recall that you had something to tell me."

His fingers grazed her cheek.

Sakura didn't notice when her knee had met his crotch until the man doubled over, grunting and hissing from the unexpected assault.

"Ow," he grounded out flatly, crouched over himself from the obvious agony she caused.

Granted, she wanted to hurt him. Had wanted to hurt him for a while, for running around in terrible infinite loops, spurned by mixed feedbacks and shaking indecision.

But she expected to do so in a _fair_ fight. The fact that she had stooped so low made her head swim with guilt and shame.

"Oh…um. I'm sorry. It was instinctive, I really didn't mean to do…that." Feeling his stare burn holes into her head, Sakura couldn't help but tilt her chin upward to stare back at him.

Shit. What now?

Actually, why did she even care at all? Last time she checked, she wanted nothing to do with him. She was supposed to be _furious_ at him.

Then again, _getting kneed in the groin_ by herseemed like a worthy reason to absolve him.

But then again, no amount of physical pain would ever rival all the fuck ups she had to go through, _alone_ , whenever he disappeared from her life. Especially the most…recent time.

Though at the same time, she wouldn't want him to suffer with her back there, either.

 _Gah!_ What did she even want, then? _So confusing…!_

Sakura felt herself tense, witnessing a twitch in his legs as he prepared to move. In a moment he stood slouched casually, bearing no hint of ever having his manly parts… _man handled_.

She coughed.

A silver brow arched.

…Maybe they were getting back into their routine of things.

Which, obviously, wasn't just a _bad_ thing.

Or maybe it was.

"Well?" She spat, pink brows furrowing at the man in question.

Kakashi closed his eye wearily. "I'll be honest and straight to the point."

 _You're damn right you will._

He took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm well aware that you're angry at me, and you have every reason to be. I'm sorry." Hands stuffed into pockets. "I know that the explanation won't make it any better. I'm not asking for your forgiveness now, or even at all. But I do hope that we could be on speaking terms again."

He sounded so _calm._ So careful. Impersonal.

It hurt.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they say. But it certainly did not apply to Kakashi.

"You're wrong," she coolly replied. His eye snapped open and regarded her curiously. "I _do_ want to know the explanation, Kakashi. And it would certainly have a hand in all of this, for better or worse."

She watched him stiffen as he plodded himself onto the grass. His eye still regarded her but not really because though he stared, he stared right through her like she nothing but a translucent apparition.

But maybe that was what she was to him.

"Kakashi." She noticed a hardened edge in her tone. "Tell me."

Time trickled by and yet he still stared. He stared, unmovingly so, and she stared right back because Sakura would _not_ back down from a challenge. _No way. No way._

No way.

Oh, how she wondered what he was thinking about….Was he even going to answer? Probably not, he was too far gone. How sad.

With a resigning shake of her head, Sakura turned around and made to her exit. This was definitely something she didn't want to deal with right now. She needed to get her shit together, get the scramblings of her life back in order, before she even attempted at this. If she even could. Otherwise one of them was going to end up in a pile of goo, and it certainly wasn't going to be her.

And the way that this conversation had gone – Sakura almost laughed at that. It was no shock having it become this way. After all, never was he one to give straight answers. And she was no longer one who suffered fools.

"I am a coward, Sakura."

She froze.

"You were there because of me," he began, "broken, bleeding out. Delirious."

Flashes of white and mechanical contraptions whirred in her head. She shoved the image away from her thoughts and steeled her face into an empty expression.

If Kakashi noticed, he didn't react to it. "But you didn't need to be. Everything was under control." He paused. "You let your emotions get the best of you. And for that, you nearly paid with your life."

"But you were about to—"

"And that wasn't the first time."

Her lips pursed together. So badly she wanted to turn around, give him a piece of her mind; she never asked for a damn lecture, especially one coming from _him_. But she couldn't find it in herself to just _move_. Or speak. Or anything. Sakura briefly wondered why that was.

"I _never_ meant to hurt you." A sigh heaved from his lips. "It wasn't my intention. But that happened anyway, whether emotionally or physically, and—"

"And so you ran." Odd. She hadn't meant to speak that time. "As usual."

"…Yes."

Her forehead crinkled. Lips quirked into a scowl. And then she flailed, twirling on the balls of her feet, eyes hunting for a mesh of silver locks. Her fists almost did too.

"You didn't listen to what I said," she spoke lowly, softer than what she'd thought it would be. "I told you so many times…"

"I know."

"I told you _so_ many times, _Hatake_." She smiled inwardly as she watched him flinch. Good. "It comes with the fucking _job!_ "

"You see, I'm well aware of that, but—"

And then it was there again; the whirlwind of red flashing before her eyes. "So why?!"

Ooooh, yes. Why?

But why not?

 _Huh?_

She nearly grimaced at the throbbing and pounding in her head, but schooled her expression and kept her eyes on the man before her. With so much practice throughout the years she had mastered the art of concealing it all, lest she submit herself deeper to the humiliation she was often subjected to. And if it was any consolation, such skill was something she found more useful with every passing day.

Sakura watched his shoulders stiffen and expression turn blank. Watched him shrugged nonchalantly. Though a bit _too_ nonchalantly, and she couldn't help but almost laugh at the obvious discomfort he exuded. "Rationality," he hummed. "Quite an elusive thing, that."

Funny, funny, funny. Because he just fucking insulted her about that and _now_ he was trying to use that as an excuse…!

"Now you...! Oh, you're just a hypocrite," she hissed, head shaking in disbelief and at the sheer thick-headedness he displayed. It all felt like a damn script. One that was acted out over and over again and Sakura hated it.

And yes! Her heart ruled her actions. But how could he not realize that his did too?

Masked lips parted slightly, though not a mere millisecond passed when they pressed together again, silenced by the riveting stare from the weary kunoichi. Sakura felt her legs move forward, heavy and trembling, and soon she stood not two feet away from the man. Head down and face concealed by tuffs of silver tresses, it was impossible to actually see the look on his face. But if she could guess he was probably feeling like utter _shi—_

"It wasn't your fault," she found herself saying. _What a strange change of heart_ , she mused thoughtfully, detachedly, to herself. Slightly bemused but now impassioned, she found it easy to continue. "It never was. I chose to do what I did. I chose to—"

" _I_ chose for you to go with me, Sakura."

Either he was a fucking _masochist_ , or the word genius no longer held its original meaning.

Actually, who was she kidding? It was so, so obvious that he was since day one.

"Dammit Kakashi, _I chose to go with you!"_ She cried, palms shooting out to rest on masked cheeks.

If this was the script, then she was the dutiful actress.

A tremor drew through his body. She almost overlooked it — would have if she was a lesser kunoichi.

And _then_ , with the stubbornness she had once found endearing, he refused to budge.

Now, it just made her want to slap him senseless. Almost. Her limbs felt too lethargic for that now. Whether that was because of all the running and nearly dying, or because she felt – at least, she suspected she did – disheartened at his depression, Sakura didn't know.

"Look at me, please," she whispered, tightening her grip by a fraction. Each breath was nearly painful now; a sharp pain in her chest was making itself known with every inhale, and Sakura quickly realized that she absolutely cared more than she thought she did mere minutes ago. She wasn't sure how she felt about _that_ , but there would be time to think about that all later.

For now, she couldn't help but focus all her attention on Kakashi. He couldn't stop denying himself everything, could he? Because she was pretty damn sick she of this tortured soul pretense.

Fine; maybe it wasn't a pretense. But she just couldn't understand. She cried out to him in frustration, a frustration that almost seemed practiced, she idly mused, though whether it was or not was the question at hand.

"I don't need to be looked after like a child, _I_ had everything under control. Always had! I knew what I was doing! _"_

Sakura mentally growled. Why didn't he get it?

Oh, wait. Duh.

He just never _allowed_ himself to get it.

Kakashi shook his head in a slight manner. "Is that so?" He murmured. It was barely audible, likely meant as a question to himself.

So she ignored it. "We made a great team. Sure, I got hurt. And so did you. But in case you haven't noticed, _shit happens,_ " she hissed for what felt like the billionth time. She wondered if he would even answer. It wouldn't be much of a shocker if he didn't.

But when his darkened gaze trail up to meet hers it became more certain of what he thought. A faint quirk nearly crawled its way on her lips when she watched him watch her with a hopeful eye. "We always made it out alive." Her hands fell and gripped his. Calloused and warm and _damn_ did she miss this. "Together."

Kakashi breathed out a long sigh, though one that seemed without exasperation. Sakura felt that she hoped as much, at least.

He nodded slowly.

"Together."

Sakura smiled. It felt real, genuine, followed by the most pristine, non-muddled emotion she had felt for the longest time. Maybe they weren't what they used to be – it'd take some time for even friendship to form – but at least things would be civil again. There was nothing but the future ahead. For him, for her, for everyone else. For Konoha. Her head felt nearly clear of the conglomeration of the twisted thoughts and memories that it almost seemed like, for the second time in years, things were going right again.

She was so happy. So happy, that she almost missed the kunai whisking toward his chest.

* * *

A/N:

 **Some explanations!**

So…Sakura's a bit more emotionally battered than we thought she was. And a bit unstable, seeing how her mind and emotions kind of flip flop every now and then. And how she seemed a little _too_ giddy and detached at points. Yes, that was _intentional_. Hopefully it was noticeable and prevalent enough; I didn't want to make it too over the edge either.

Please let me know what you think! This is my first Kakasaku fic, and my first darker fic as well, so I welcome constructive criticism with open arms. Betas are also welcome, too. _Very_ welcome. Flames are…hmm, well, it'd be amusing enough to see little panties twisted into bunches.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Until next time! Probably a month, give or take. Oh, and also, I may start a more…light Kakasaku fic, so don't hesitate the check that out, haha. If and when it does come out. Cheers!


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